The Reason

I started this blog because I feel mental illness needs to be talked about and that is not something people should be ashamed of.  I am here to help, listen, and give advice if needed.  I know you may not believe me now, but it really does get better.  I now know that my life has a purpose and God has led me to this.  Please let me help you and help you make life worth living.

The beginning

My mental illness started when I was probably about 13 years old.  My mom knew that there was something different about me one day.  She asked me if I was ok and I told her I am not sure.  I just knew that I wanted to be left alone.  I didn’t have a very high opinion about myself.  So I started writing and that became my salvation for awhile, but when that I wasn’t working anymore I decided to try to kill myself.  I was tired of feeling so lonely and thinking that people didn’t really care if lived or died.  So one morning before school started I took a knife from the kitchen and took it to the bathroom.  I then started to cut my wrist.  I remember so vividly the pain that I was in and how much blood was on the floor.  I then fell to the floor hitting my head on the counter.  My mom heard me fall in the bathroom and came to see if I was ok.  Since I didn’t respond she opened the door and found me lying on the floor with blood pouring out of my wrist.  She called 911 and I was rushed to the hospital.  I should’ve have been hospitalized then, but since my dad was in the military the incident was never spoke of in my family again.  I wish they would have gotten me help back then, but they didn’t.  I would go on to try to committ suicide a total of four more times.